Ok so I have a day off of work. Of course I still manage to have appointments all over the state. Figures. Oh well. Anyways I think I'm going to clean my room for once lol. At least tonite I can get wasted and not have to worry about friday morning. Yay for having NOTHING to do tommorow. WOOT.

I think I might drop off Rae's sister's CD today.

Havent updated in ages...

Wow, I havent posted anything on this in forever. So whats new... Well the real-estate appraisal job has been going great, i've been single since feburary, and overall things are good. I turned 21 on saturday, got wasted, woot. Went to atlantic city on sunday, I actually BEAT the house. I came back with an extra 20 bucks and complimentary dinner lol. That, and of course, I totally took advantage of the free drinks thing when at tables :)


Rae wants her sisters CD back, so I should probably find a way to get that to her. Don't really feel like seeing her tho.

As for more positive things:

I think I might try and form a band...

The office manager at my place of work, Fanny, is possibly coming to chill with me this weekend. Niceness.

Most consider it unwise to dip the pen in company ink... of course no one ever said *I* was wise ;)


So, my father moved to South Carolina and now I have my own apartment. Kon has been staying over at night and slowly moving his stuff into what was my old bedroom. Yes, Kon is my roomate.

Information regarding Rae in case some of you didnt already know..

Things are going well with us. She's been spending nights at the apartment, and thanks to her efforts, this place is a lot cleaner. Yesterday we checked out this lights display at PNC with her mother, and then came home and chilled til about 2 am with Decker and Julia.

As for today, my mother is bringing over two insane furry animals. We have to babysit them for two weeks while my mother is away on vacation.

Going to be spending Christmas with Rae and her family, possibly going to an event that Julia invited us to on Christmas eve.

I also received a bottle of Korbel champagne from a christmas party that my mother hosted the other night, which will only be opened for New Years.

I also ordered 2 daisho sets (3 piece japanese sword sets *katana, wakisashi, tanto*)
I went to open my box of swords with Kon's pocket knife and sure enough sliced my thumb wide open. yes lots of blood. We managed to take care of it with butterfly bandages and medical tape.
It hurts and I can't do too much with it -_- oh well.

Well I think that's it for now...I gotta go pay my cable bill and my mother is coming over shortly.

  • Current Music
    Rae talking and typing for me since I'm handicapped O.o

(no subject)

Well, not much going on. Got band practice on Sunday with a now full band. Got soley on vocals, me on drums, dan on guitar and this kid tom on bass. Its gunna be fun. School tommorow... Bleh, well I'm off for now. Going to go hang out with Julia.


Well, life has been taking many different turns. Sometimes I feel like I piss everyone off, but then at the same time I know sometimes there is little or no choice. For example my band situation. I ditched and pissed off two old friends of mine when I left their band to join another. Troy and Julio probably never want to see my face again. The irony of this all, is that I ended up leaving the new band too! There is, of course, a silver lining. Myself and one of the guitarists left together to form our own project. We've recruited Soley as a vocalist and Adam as a bassist. I suppose in that area all is not lost.

What else... Oh yeah, Rae. I know, I must seem so cold hearted. Some people see this as what she deserves, other tell me I should just give her another chance. Well, despite what some people might percieve, I am niether cold nor heartless. I did love Rae, with all of my heart. I loved her more than anything in my life. I did everything I could to make her happy, and her happiness was my highest priority. Unfortunately, she violated my trust. I know, people have been saying to me, "Didn't you guys go thru alot already? I don't believe your going to be apart that long. Whats different this time?" Well, whats different? She *never* violated my trust before. I repeat, never. I always had complete and total faith in her throughout the entirety of the relationship. The events that unfolded that fateful Saturday, however, totally changed that. Yes, it might be rash of me to immediately assume anything was going on between her and anyone, during or after our relationship. This however, is besides the point. She ditched me that night. She totally abandoned me. She went for a walk with some guy who was a complete stranger. In itself, is this bad? Not necessarily. However, when I had left for 20 minutes, she knew exactly where I was. I came back, and she was GONE. I call her cell, and shes walking with "someone." Whatever. You know, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to put 2 and 2 together. Maybie I'm wrong, but thats besides the point. When she came back, she said she had to talk to me. I said, whats up honey? I KNEW what was coming. I felt it. I sensed it on her. She dumps me right there. She gives me a lecture on how I made her feel insignificant, like a molecule, like a puppet. She told me I loved my music more than her. She dumped me, left with that guy, and left me feeling like total and complete shit.

Nothing. Nothing can undo that. Nothing.

I'm sorry Rae. After that speech you gave me, how could I EVER believe you love me? How could I go back to you, back to a relationship where I can't even trust your fickle moods? I would be insane. Rae, I still have feelings for you, but those feelings are overwhelmed by what happened. I almost feel like you only loved the way I treated you. You only loved the attention, not me. It seemed at the time like you had found someone to give you more attention: a nice, gothic guy. It felt like the entire time I was nothing but a stepping stone. It felt like you used me to get over your past until you found someone better.

You say you loved me and were happy with me. Why then did you have a gothic personals ad the entire time that said no one loved you? Why did you make yourself seem single to the world? Why did it take you 6 months to upgrade me from "friend" to "special" on your buddy list? Why were there 2 "special" people on that list? Theres so many holes, so many questions. So many things that just seemed wierd. I never brought up the gothic personals thing because I trusted you. I knew about it the entire time, thanks to a friend of mine. I even made an account on there just to check on it now and then. The one time I did bring it up, you said it was old and didnt matter. Then why is it the day I asked you that, it was updated the day before?

Rae, it can't work. It wont work. You dont love me. You love the attention. That guy friend off the internet wasn't interested in you, and now your alone. Now you feel like you'll never find love again. Rae, everything will be fine in the future. I dont have any ill-will towards you; I only wish the best for you. I just can't really see myself dating you ever again. Theres too many issues, too many secrets. Too many lies. I feel like the entire relationship might have been a lie. Thats what hurts the most... I loved you Rae, I really did. I'm sorry I've been such a cold-hearted asshole to you. I just can't do it. I can't go back to you. There isn't anyone else right now in my life, I promise you that. I spend my free time with friends. Good friends whom I neglected because it pleased YOU. I feel like shit for neglecting them too this entire time. You know what tho? Even despite the way I blew them off, they are still good friends of mine. I know that Dan and Julia will always be good friends, despite all your ill words.

I guess I'll leave this off with:

Never live life for the fruit of your actions, but live for the action itself. Do things because you enjoy them, not because you want something. Treat someone lovingly because you love them, not because you want something from them. Life is not about what you get from it, but how you live it. Happiness and unhappiness are all perception. You can't always be happy, but at least you can understand why your unhappy and feel a little better.


Well, vinnie went missing. Joey and Francisco were late as all hell and ended up not coming. Looks like I got another week until i start with my band. Oh well. Shit happens. At least last night I got to hang out with Dan and Julia again. Despite some peoples really negative opinions of the two of them, they are still good friends of mine. Anyways... Got work today, class tommorow morning, then again tommorow night.
  • Current Music
    Coldplay - "The Scientist"

The end?

FretlessGibson: stop harassing me
VioletNiteShade: fuck you
VioletNiteShade: go stick your drumsticks up your ass
VioletNiteShade: they were more important than me anyway
VioletNiteShade: fucking liar
VioletNiteShade: pig
VioletNiteShade: heartless bastard
VioletNiteShade: you were using me for sex anyway
VioletNiteShade: y ou disgust me
VioletNiteShade: now do me a favor and get the fuck out of my life
VioletNiteShade: you're dead to me now
FretlessGibson: does that mean your gunna leave me alone now?

Auto response from VioletNiteShade: FUCK OFF

I wonder if she will keep on calling me every 2 minutes or will keep trying to come to my house? Is it cold of me to shut her out like that? Well was it cold of her to shove that proverbial knife into my back on saturday when she DITCHED ME, CAME BACK ONLY TO DUMP ME, AND LEFT WITH SOME RANDOM GUY OFF THE INTERNET?!?!?! I know he has nothing to do with it, and I hold nothing against him. Im not even insinuating anything her. Still, the nerve of her. She dumped me, she fucked up, its over. Im sorry Rae, but you lost my trust for good. You never did anything before that made me had any doubts about you. This was it. This made me loose all belief in any of the venom you spit from your mouth. Never, and I mean never, call me again Rae. Its done.


Well yesterday was a little better than the last several days. I ended up skipping my logic class today to hang out with my new band. Later on, Vinnie set up my drumset in his basement and cleaned out my car. Then, in the evening, I went to play pool with Alicia and Vinnie.

Overall yesterday was good, except of course for the continuing Rae issues; however, I believe that she might have recently gotten the point and decided to leave me alone. That whole thing really hurts, but the only way I will be miserable is if I let myself. I just have to put a smile on my face and move on.

This morning I have my favorite of all classes: Eastern Philosophy. Later on today I DEFINATELY have to catch up on backed up work. The last 2 days I only worked like half as much as normal.
  • Current Music
    Fear Factory - Back the Fuck Up

Updated Friends List

I just updated my friends list, sorry to the people whom couldn't reply because they weren't added yet. I'm also going to make more of an effort to update more often and read stuff more often.